Breathing...

Is really just overrated. Lol okay maybe not but thats what I'm telling myself till I go to the doctor on the 11th. The past few months I've been miserable. My allergies have gotten so much worst. When it hits the afternoon I can no longer breathe out of my nose and it just gets worst as the day goes on. You can only imagine how it is to sleep like that. So needless to say I haven't been getting much sleep either. Which has been making me moody lately. Just not my usual self. I can't wait for my appt. I can't wait for a solution. Just remove my nose. Its not stuffed or anything just swollen. Then my cheeks and eyes start hurting really bad. Its wonderful. 2 more weeks. Yay.

Goodbye Comcast...

When I got home after work yesterday I've decided to contact Comcast once again to find out when they would finally come finish what they started. They told me I would now have to wait till 9/2/08. To me that is just crazy especially since this would be my 4th scheduled appointment with them. This of course pissed me off even more. So I decided to call AT&T. I asked them about their offers and found out they now have this cable internet called uverse which is half the price I'm paying for Comcast and it would cover all 3 computers in my house. Of course I ordered it and guess when they are coming out to install it for me, this Thursday. And I'm sure they will be there. Which gave me the pleasure to call Comcast and cancel my service through them. I felt bad for the guy who had to deal with me since by this time I'm beyond pissed off with their customer service. He tried offering me free months. Ha for a connection I don't have? No thank you I gave them their chance. So when I asked him when they would come and remove the mess they left at my house they said they'd be there this weekend. Oh wow really? To clean up the crap you left behind you can be here sooner but when I needed my line still repaired you couldn't come out till next week? I will never be a Comcast customer again after this. But my problem will soon be fixed. We also decided to switch to the uverse tv too. Which right now we have direct tv. So we'll have everything all together, phone, internet & tv. Better deal and we're saving at least $100/month. Can't beat that. Should've called them a lot sooner.

I hate you...

Comcast.

So my internet has been down since the August 4th storm. I've been waiting for comcast to repair the line and since it was ripped down I decided to move my computer downstairs since I've been wanting to do this and figured since they had to come out to fix the line. So last Thursday the guy came out while my mom was home and surprisingly his drill kept dying so he was unable to finish the job. Yup left the wires hanging along the side of the house and hanging from the pole in the back yard. Which is driving my crazy. Well the guy told my mom he'd be back Friday to finish. I called her from work to find out if it was up and running and she told me they never showed up. I told her then that I'd call after work. But she decided to call for me and they told her they wouldn't be able to get to it till the 31st. Are you serious? So I have to look at wires hanging from the side of my house till then. Okay not only that but I moved the computer to my room and I have a corner desk and since he needs to drill I have the desk in the middle of my room. Very annoying. I just want it done already. So Friday when I got home I did there online chat thing and was kinda bitchy to the lady I was talking to. But I have a right to be. She then told me they would get someone out sooner to complete the job they started. So she said Sunday from 8am to 12pm someone would come there. Guess what. No one did. Not even a freaking phone call. So what do I have to do call them once again and this time I'm going to be a mega bitch. Because this will make 4 days that I have to make sure someone is at the house for at least 4 hours. Now thats not really a big deal since my mom is still out of work but its not the point. They don't know that. Assholes I tell you. I'm really close to finding another internet provider.

Sorry just needed to vent a little.

Dear BC...

I just have to say something. I'm deleting your number so you won't get anymore texts from me because you've made it obvious that we're done being friends. Also I really am shocked because I didn't think you were bascially a jerk I always thought you were the nice guy. And the sad this is we weren't dating or anything but I did consider us good friends and I liked you. But it is kinda my fault I should've stopped talking to you that night you blew me off then I wouldn't have wasted so much of my time and wouldn't have thought of the possibilty of us ever being more than friends but I knew that wasn't going to happen just enjoyed hanging out with you. I'm just kinda disappointed that this ruined the so called friendship we had. That and how you completely threw me off. But its ok now lesson learned.

Word of advice go back to being the nice guy.

And that is what I sent him today in reply to some stupid message he sent me on myspace that didn't make sense. But seriously I just wasted too much of my time. Like I said its sad to lose a 12 year friendship but life goes on. I'm way to old to play any games.

Optimistic Part 2

This year has been pretty interesting. A lot better so far than last year. Is that sad? But you know after everything I'm very hopeful. I mean things could've ended up a lot worst. So today I'm looking at things with my glass half full. I mean lets talk about my mom's stroke a couple months ago. Things could've been so much worst instead the stroke only effected her eyesight, but she's not completely blind. And she's learning to scan the room better and well getting used to it. Making up for what she's can't see. Which is great. She does have periods where she gets depressed. This is very hard to see because I don't know what to do. I mean I try and think about what if I wasn't able to work and not drive. I mean you have to rely completely on everyone else. And my mother has never been that kinda person. I just try and be there for her as much as I can and help her out.

Now today was actually a pretty good day. I can finally just be done with BC. All because he posted a blog I was able to read. And finally answered the questions I've been asking myself. Normally this would upset someone or make them angry but nope not me, makes me happy. I mean it takes away my confusion. Why wouldn't that make me happy. Instead of asking myself what if? Don't need to anymore. And I've been thinking how I've been wanting a relationship. I don't know so much anymore. I mean I haven't had the best of luck when it comes to guys. Guys that end up "falling" for me, I don't fall for. Guys I end up actually thinking I might really like them doesn't work out. Doesn't even go anywhere. But I'm beginning to think that I wasn't really that into them. I think I need to stop seeing people and just work on myself. There's some things I need to take care of for me. Like my number one is my health. I refuse to get super sick again. So yeah I have my doctors appt coming up and me and my doc are going to come up with a plan. We're going to fix me. Lmao. Plus I think if I'm going to start seeing someone its going to be someone new. Not anyone from the past or that I've been friends with. A fresh start. I do however have a couple people who are interested in me. But one is too young. Other one I dated a long time ago. And one is a great friend that I wouldn't not want to ruin what we have. I rely on him way too much. Then there's probably the guy I should've started dating a while ago, the doctor. But I have too many reasons why I haven't dated him. Distance is one. He lives out by Rockford. Too far but he's a great guy. I've been going to him for a lot until he found out about BC then he was kinda upset with me. So yes I will be taking a break. Working on myself and keep me happy and drama free. And done with all the games guys play.

But for now I'm going to go watch the Hills :).

Optimistic

After going along with my gut feeling I can't help but to feel sad. It seems anytime I really start to like someone and want to take things to another level it doesn't work. Every time. I feel like I'm destined to be single. But in reality it'll only take that one person to change things for me. And thats all I need. Damn that one person and where ever he is hiding. I'm really getting tired of the whole single life. Want someone I can go and do things with, like take a vacation. I do have great friends that keep me occupied but that only helps so much. Maybe I just need to put myself out there more. But my thing is where does one go to meet new guys? I mean normal guys. Ones that don't drink a lot and aren't immature and stupid. I'm a very simple kinda gal. I mean little things make me happy. I'm not looking for someone to come into my life and take care of me. I take care of myself. I have my own job and make my own money. Don't ask anyone to buy me anything. If there is something I really want I will get it without the help of anyone else. That makes me independent. That should be a plus. I just want someone I can lean on. Open myself up to which I never do. I'm ready to do that with the right person of course. And when I feel comfortable. Which is something I told BC and he told me that I should feel comfortable. :(. I did too. When I was with him things were great. But thats when I was next to him. When we weren't around each other. We'd just text. Which was fine. But I haven't heard from him in a couple days. Sucks. But I can't let it get me down. Just I find myself thinking about the last time I saw him. How it didn't seem like he didn't care or didn't want to be with me. Every time I spent with him I never felt like that. I felt needed. Comfortable. Relaxed. Happy. Couldn't get me to stop smiling. Ugh why its bothering me. Like its eating away at me. I did a terrible job at guarding myself this time. Stupid Gayle.

Hard Working Machine...

A few months ago I started working at the job I'd left 2 years prior. And I have to admit after working at another place for a couple years I'm thankful to be back. Where I'm at now is so much different. I'm always busy which I like. And I use my brain. Its the kinda job that has you always thinking and its nice. Where my other job was more like clockwork. No brain power necessary. So I'd be able to finish things really quickly. The other thing is they really appreciate you at my job. And tell me all the time how I do such a great job. Its really nice hearing that because its the truth. I'm a hard worker. Always have been I get that from my mom. Why I don't mind getting up and going there. Yeah sometimes I might complain but over all I'm happy with what I do.

However sometimes my cell mate (lady I share an office with) drives me crazy. When I first came back there I heard so many stories about her. But I'm the type of person who judges for myself. And I like her. She's easy to talk to but is annoying a lot of times. We're opposite. I'm always cold and she is always hot. So she loves to turn the fan on, which not only makes me colder but has the paperwork on my desk go everywhere. Which annoys me more than being cold. But then there's the fact she talks to herself all day long. Sometimes when she talks to me I don't even know it because I figure she's talking to herself. Yeah I'm not joking. But then she groans and makes buzzing sounds at the computer. Very strange lady. I find out the longer I share an office with her the more annoyed I've been getting. But I believe thats because my sleeping habits suck completely. So I'm going into work not really rested. But I don't say anything I put on a smile and try and be happy. Not a crabby kinda person.

2-0 or 0-2

I've decided my gut feeling is right. Pretty bummed about it, but maybe one day I'll be proven wrong. As for this year I'm losing 2-0 or 0-2 whichever way its supposed to go. All I can do is hold my head up and move on. I'm actually pretty good at doing that. Don't know how good that actually is though. But I'm not one to chase, especially if I'm in the same place I started over a month ago.

I'll take another loss. And just continue waiting but not lose faith. One day.

Just single life is getting a little old for me right now. I'm ready.

Gut Feelings....

And so the story continues with "BC". Last night was the first night I've gotten to see him in over a week. Because of our opposite schedules and he went out of town for a few days. So I was really excited to see him even though we got hit by a tornado and there was a lot of trees down by my house and more storms to come I still went over by him. One reason is because I hardly get to see him and I was really missing him. But here's the thing him and his roommate drove back together and it was supposed to be a 6 hour trip. We had been texting the whole time pretty much except when I took a nap. Then I was woken up by the tornado and freaked out. He was still driving so I was a little worried he'd get hit by a storm but he said it wasn't bad. Which I was happy to hear. Anyways after the storm and our power was out I didn't have much power left on my cell phone so my mom and I went to sit in my car and listen to the radio and charge our phones. When things seemed a bit quiet we decided to go for a ride and maybe see if any stores where open. Luckily Jewel was and we were able to go there. All during this time I was texting BC too. I told him when he got home to let me know if he had electricity so I could charge my phone and camera. Then I send him another message saying I was going to see if I could even get through on the road I take to his house. Well after I sent that message he told me he had just got home. But I wasn't planning on going there right then just wanted to see if the main road would even let me get by. It did. So I sent him a text telling him I wouldn't be there for at least another hour. Which was fine by him. When I got there I was so excited to see him and vice versa. So when we were in his house I asked if his roommate was already asleep and then he tells me he has been asleep since 10pm. Which was kinda weird considering they got home at 11:30pm. So why lie? I know its not a huge lie or something but still. We're not dating or in a relationship right now. It has me really confused almost as though he's hiding something. I mean if he had gotten home at 10 that would've been fine I didn't plan on seeing him as soon as he got home because I knew he was gone for 4 days and probably wanted to do some things. Its just kinda weird and has me really thinking about things now. I just think I'm going to back off and stick with my gut feeling. I mean it really sucks because I really am seeming to like him a lot. But if its going to protect me from heartbreak later on I'm better off just stopping while I'm ahead. I didn't say anything to him. I know since he didn't have power he couldn't charge his phone either and not sure if he'd be able to at work. But I didn't even attempt to send him any messages. I'll just wait and if he sends me one then I'll respond with caution. Maybe its just me over thinking things too but when I told my friend about it she was shocked. Sucks. Beginning to wonder if there is a such thing as happiness. Finding a guy who doesn't play games or someone who is just up front. Because thats how I am.

And normally I'm dead on with my gut feelings.